Building Rapport – Practical Application

Rapport, like every other important principle of effective salesmanship must be applied in our sales activities, not just an entry in our intellectual library. Two of my favorite authors on the subject of building rapport and for that matter, sales principles in general, are Dale Carnegie with his book How To Win Friends and Influence People and Frank Bettger’s book, How I Raised Myself From Failure to Success in Selling. Both of these men based their writings on solid, core principles of human relationships. There are no games or tricks or gimmicks in their approach to dealing with people. What they have taught us about human relationships has transcended time with simple, yet profound truth.

Dale Carnegie taught six simple, yet profound principles for encouraging people to like you. At the end of the chapter in his book he summarized these rules:

1. Become genuinely interested in other people.
2. Smile.
3. Remember that a man’s name is to him the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
5. Talk in terms of the other man’s interests.
6. Make the other person feel important–and do it sincerely.

The key element in effectively using these six rules for building rapport is sincerity. If you are not sincere in your actions you will appear as manipulative, and manipulation in any form will destroy any effort you might make in building trust with a prospect.

Years ago while attending an American Iron Ore Association meeting in Pittsburgh Pennsylvania, I decided to apply these principles as I met with several of my contemporaries at the reception prior to the annual dinner. I had attended the event with one of my fellow employees and we decided that we would work ourselves around the ballroom meeting as many people as we could prior to dinner. We would then get back together for dinner and compare notes about the people we had met. I followed implicitly every one of Carnegie’s six rules. The results were absolutely amazing. People actually complemented me on my lively conversation, when in reality, all I did was listen to them talk about themselves.

At the conclusion of the social hour my associate and I sat down to dinner and talk about the people whom we had met. His first comment was that he had no idea I had so many friends and acquaintances at the conference. He said that most of the people he met, once he had introduced himself and our company, had mentioned me as someone they knew and admired. For the most part, these were people that I had not known before, but when I met them I showed genuine interest in them, called them by name, encouraged them to talk about themselves and their interests, and with sincerity, tried to make them feel important. The relationships built that evening, applying those simple rules, became the foundation for the success I have enjoyed for more than thirty years as a sales person.

In an effort to build rapport as quickly and effectively as possible, while maintaining a genuine attitude of sincerity, apply the following rules:

1. Dress appropriately for your audience, industry, and the individual.
2. Discover at least one area in which to establish some level of commonality.
3. Focus your whole attention on the other person and what is important to them.

People feel comfortable with people that are like themselves. The first impression we make with another person stems from our appearance. If we are dressed in a similar fashion to the other person, they feel comfortable with us because we appear to be like them thus establishing the principle of commonality. Early in any communication with others, try to establish a common interest or relationship. This relationship can be anything that you might have in common, a person, a place, a hobby or sport, or one’s background or interests. Remember the cardinal rule of sales, people buy from people they believe, like and trust.

One of my clients shared this experience with me the other day. He learned a hard lesson that further exemplifies this rule. My client had been made aware of a bidding opportunity for one of his products. He had never met the prospect previous to submitting his bid, but had done his research in preparing a competitive offering. He had tried to follow-up with the prospect during the bidding process but was unable to make contact. The day of the bid opening arrived and my client was identified as the low bidder among several of his competitors. He still had no contact with the decision maker. Finally my client was able to reach the buyer in his attempt to schedule the shipment of his product as the recognized low bidder only to be told that the buyer had selected one of the other bidders to supply the product, someone they had purchased from previously and at a much higher price. The question my client asked me was how could he force the issue to receive the order since he was the recognized “low bidder”?

The answer was simple, the lesson was difficult and the experience was profound. People buy from people they believe, like and trust. My client had none of the above. The buyer made the purchase from a sales person he knew and trusted and who represented a company and product he had confidence in using. The conclusion of this story will be determined over the next year by the effort my client exerts in building a relationship with the buyer instead of just offering the lowest price. Building rapport will not guarantee a sale, but it will go along way in preparing the foundation for a sale to materialize.

In his book, How I Raised Myself From Failure to Success in Selling, Frank Bettger made the following five-point summary from the section on how to make people want to do business with you:

1. “If you would win a man to your cause, first convince him that you are his sincere friend….” – Abraham Lincoln
2. Encourage young men. Help a man to see how he can be a success in life.
3. Try to get a man to tell you what is his greatest ambition in life. Help him raise his sights.
4. If anyone has inspired you, or helped you in any way, don’t keep it a secret. Tell him about it.
5. Ask a man: “How did you happen to get started in this business?” Then, be a good listener.

Apply these principles, adapt the examples to your own experience, be genuine and sincere in your efforts to build rapport with your prospects, and you will realize greater success than you would have ever imagined.